Worse then better
Posted by devra on July 24, 2007
So I’ve been experiencing depression. Not surprising, really. My life is upside down & surreal & god knows what else. I was a complete basketcase for about a month - up one day, down the next, back and forth every day. More recently, I’ve experienced one bad day for every 2 or 3, which I certainly recognize as an improvement.
This past week was particularly bad, after an incident Wednesday (a ‘friend’ hitting on me in a situation I couldn’t really get out of) - I found myself questioning, again, how safe the world really is and just how naive I am about men and what am I going to do about navigating the world alone and am I alone in a godless universe with nothing but despair and loneliness to look forward to until I die friendless & forgotten? Yes, at that point I really have to take a breath, don’t I? And, yes, I know how ridiculous it all is. But from Thursday AM to about lunchtime today I was deep in the pit. I’m better now. I know I will always be better eventually, but I’m exhausted from those (often) sudden relapses into despair & loneliness. They come upon me so suddenly sometimes I’m almost dizzy.
I’m better now. I really am. I can laugh at myself again.
